Mule Q&A with Author Geoff Collins

For writers, putting a story together is a lot like working on a puzzle. You find the corner pieces, arrange them, link a few more bits together, shift them to where you think they might belong, review the photo on the box and then ultimately give up. That last part is a joke. An unfinished puzzle, an unfinished story—that’ll haunt. And there are few greater follies than inviting a haunting (but if you are in fact inhabited by a ghoul, the Mules can exorcise that demon).

A great way to wrap that writing project, to finesse all those story pieces into their proper slot, is to sit down at the same time every single day and pop out some words. Follow that path and you might pull a Geoff Collins. What’s a Geoff Collins? That’s ten books in print. Geoff hasn’t pulled it off yet, but he’s on the fertile verge—his tenth book will be out later this year.

The Mules have had the pleasure of working with Geoff on the bulk of his projects. But as is often the case, we know the work better than the author. This little interview serves to narrow that gap.

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What role does writing serve in your life? I get the sense that you’re always working on a story. We personally feel like we’re on sturdier footing when we’re tweaking a project, whether we’re actually writing or merely mentally developing a scene.

As a CEO of an advertising company and a teacher, I’ve always enjoyed the creative process. While I have written most all of my life, my retirement has given me the time to both satisfy my need to be creative along with filling much of my day with something I truly enjoy. Most of the writing I’ve done in my business career was technical in nature. My experience as a teacher, and my retirement have allowed me to explore the fictional writing genre.

I have always been an avid reader and enjoy the way truly good writers navigate me through their stories. I’m constantly looking for new ideas for my next project in both the books I read and the people and places I interact with. I do believe there’s a story in every person you meet and place you visit. 

Can you tell us a bit about your writing habits? Do you devote a chunk of each day to your fiction?  

In business, as in teaching, organizing my time was always an important aspect of whatever success I have enjoyed. I have been retired for a few years now, and writing gives me the opportunity to add structure to my days while fulfilling the need for creativity. I write most every day beginning around 8:00 a.m.—sometimes staying at it for an hour or two, and sometimes well into the afternoon.

How do you do research for your books? People-watching in coffee shops? Furious Googling? Calling up every doctor/lawyer/longshoreman/busboy/psychiatrist/IT specialist that you know and asking them uncomfortable questions about what they would do if a murder victim showed up on their front stoop?

I spend a lot of time googling. While I write fiction, I try to make everything as accurate as possible. I also have a friend who was a police officer and often bounce things off of him.

Your last few books have been set in the Charleston area, where you live. Does that have an impact on your day-to-day life? For example, when you’re at the grocery store, do you envision a police chase whipping through the cereal aisle?

Definitely. It’s much easier to write about a particular scene in a book if I’ve actually been there and experienced the particulars of its surroundings.

When you first came to the Mule, you were working on young-adult mysteries. Now you’ve transitioned into the gritty world of police procedurals. A couple questions here:

a)    Why were you initially drawn to YA?

That’s easy…I taught 4th grade and would write short stories for my kids. It naturally evolved into YA stories.

b)    What inspired your transition into the realm of mob hits and drug trafficking?

I have always enjoyed murder/mysteries and detective stories and normally they are my choice when selecting something to read.

What’s on the horizon for you, writing-wise? While we thoroughly enjoy your current work and see you making great strides as a writer, we’d love to see you dip into something a little more personal; do you ever consider shifting gears and working on a story set a little closer to your emotional core?

Actually, I have considered something different. I’m close to finishing the third book in the Adam Stone series entitled The Sandman. That will make it six straight detective murder/mystery efforts. Maybe move back to YA—something drawing on my experience as a teacher or perhaps sports oriented. We’ll see.

What are you reading now? And what are some of your all-time favorite novels?

I took a break from my normal reads and just finished Trevor Noah’s biography. I have several authors I enjoy—most all in the detective murder-mystery and legal thriller category. My favorite author is Michael Connelly.

Enhancement by Reduction: What Trimming Extra Words Does for Your Flow

A while back, I spent a few months working closely with a skilled writer on his first completed novel. The writer is a legitimate talent and the novel is so strong and vivid that specific scenes and the overall vibe regularly inhabit my mind. The experience was a pleasure that keeps giving, in the form of those literary flashbacks.

But with any piece of writing, a good editor can come in quite handy. I wanted to show the before and after treatment to the opening of his seventh chapter. I think you’ll see what a little streamlining—we cut a mere 16 words—can do. We’ve taken an already good paragraph and enhanced the flow.

Before (127 words):

The man pulled the door open and started up the stairs. He noticed the smell of old carpet, mold, mildew, vomit, and urine. Above the creak of the boards he could hear a window air conditioning unit somewhere thumping and banging, trying to keep up with the oppressive heat and humidity from outside that also permeated the stairwell. Climbing the steps with a cane, the man used the railing for extra support, making a face at the greasy feel of the metal railing. The floor, with constant squeaks and moans, kept track of his upward progress. Sweat quickly started soaking through his shirt, already stained with the signs of travel. He could feel rivulets of sweat running down his sides and down the middle of his back.

After (111 words):

The man pulled the door open and started up the stairs. He could smell old carpet, mold, vomit, and urine. Above the creak of the boards, he could hear a window air conditioning unit thumping and banging, trying to keep up with the oppressive heat and humidity that also permeated the stairwell. A cane in his left hand, the man clutched the railing with his right, making a face at the greasy feel of the metal. The stairs, with constant squeaks and moans, kept track of his progress. Sweat began soaking through his shirt, already stained with signs of travel. Rivulets ran down his sides and the middle of his back.

What do you think? Trimming those hedges—a little proofreading here, a little copy editing there—can really do wonders, no?

Mule Q&A with Author Michael Carlon

Is Michael Carlon only one person?

That’s a question that pops up in the Mule cyber-offices on the reg because Carlon is a veritable novel factory. He churns out comedy and manufactures mystery faster than you can get your rubber boots on in the morning before your shift at the hog processing plant (you, dear reader, do work at a hog plant, right? I think I remember you saying that). And this isn’t some cookie-cutter operation either, unless you like your cookies laced with one-liners and left to cool in the Hunker Down Armageddon Shelter.™

Carlon has six books out and a seventh on the way (Slippery People, which holds the key to that Armageddon shelter joke). He rewards devoted readers with storylines and characters that weave through his books like a mycelial network (take a beat to refresh yourself on that—it’s insane).

Fellow Mule Ben Gibson and I have had the distinct pleasure of teaming up on not one, not two but three Carlon novels over the years.

We know his work well and have delighted over so very many of his jokes. But do we know Carlon? We don’t. That seems like the kind of plot hole we are professionally obligated to fix.

Let’s get to know a little about this guy and his craft.  

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For starters, Mike, how many people are you? I ask because one person simply isn’t capable of your output. 

There’s only one of me, but I have multiple personalities. It’s actually not far from the truth—there’s the Mike that plays the role of husband and father of triplets, Mike the small business owner who spends part of his days selling his soul to clients who buy his professional services, and the Mike who follows his creative outlets including writing and stand-up comedy. My secret is that I manage my time well and try not to short change any of the key stakeholders in my life.

What’s your writing life like? Do you have a regular schedule? Do you lock yourself up for a week at a time and emerge with an 80,000 word manuscript? 

I wish I could hole up in one of my favorite haunts and do nothing but write. For example, Chatham on Cape Cod is my favorite place to go in the summer. It’s a ghost town in the winter, but I’d love to spend December-March there and do nothing but write. The small problem with that is I do have a day job and my wife would go insane. 

I do follow a process, though, to make sure I’m making the most of my time. NY Times bestselling author Lou Aronica, who was a guest on my Uncorking a Story podcast, gave me some of the best advice I ever received—invest the time to write a solid outline. Basically, know where the story is going and where the key beats are. Once I started doing this, my writing became more efficient. Interestingly, I don’t feel handcuffed to these outlines—oftentimes the final draft will look nothing like the outline. But it does help me stay focused. When I am writing a book, I basically write for a couple hours a day, mostly in the morning and in the evening. During the day I have to keep focused on my professional life.

We went through three rounds with your most recent novel, Slippery People. By the time we wrapped, the book was something like 20,000 words shorter, which brings me to a couple of questions. 

A) A lot of writers (myself included) struggle with the scalpel. Does reduction make you cringe, or are you a cold-blooded assassin? 

The first draft of Slippery People clocked in at 104,000 words and after the third round of edits, it came in at 70,000. It was a lot to cut, but I knew the early versions were overly plotted. It was too complex of a story. I had other early readers and agents tell me same thing so when I went into the second and third round of edits, I did so knowing what had to be done. Yes, I did have to lose some plot points and characters, but at the end of the editing process I was much happier for having done so. 

B) About those endless recommendations and alterations: Does our work on your work ever make you feel like telling us to stuff it in our stuffers? 

It’s funny, I remember reading the first summary Word Mule sent and was disappointed—not in the assessment, but in that I had sent something that needed so much more work. I started to go through the stages of grief:

• Denial—There’s no way my book needs this much work!

• Anger—Screw you, Word Mule, what do you know?

• Bargaining—There must have been something you liked, right? Maybe read it again and you’ll change your mind? Perhaps more Franklins will change your mind.

• Depression—I suck. I’m never writing again and going to med school like my mother wanted.

• Acceptance—Okay, I’ll take this one page at a time.

It actually led me to a new bit in my stand-up routine criticizing the bible for poor character development (let’s face it, God is way different in the two testaments), being too long (did we really need all those letters from St. Paul?), and ending on a depressing note (the end of days, really?). Don’t worry if you don’t think that is funny—the last time I performed it on stage I could hear a pin drop. 

You skewer pop culture without sounding bitter about it. What’s your attitude toward the material you parody: (a) “You kid because you love” or (b) “Roasting marshmallows at the nearest available dumpster fire”?

I watched a lot of TV when I was a kid and I have a near photographic memory. I find that pop-culture is a great way of relating to other people. I do kid because I love (and because I can). My first book, Return to Casa Grande, parodied Dallas, reality TV, and had more 80s references than Hot Tub Time Machine. Self-indulgent? Perhaps, but it makes me and many of my readers smile.

How often do you cull snippets from your personal life for use in your fiction? And does that ever get you in trouble out there in the real world? 

Well, I write what I know. Slippery People starts with Greg James being beaten in his sleep by his wife because she’s angry with him. That used to happen to me all the time—my wife would beat me in bed because I used to snore (once I lost 30 pounds, that stopped. Now she only beats me when she’s mad at me). 

All the F*cks I Cannot Give, however, was inspired by real events. Like Kelly Carson, the lead character in that book, I lost my job three weeks before Christmas and my boss told me over the phone and literally said that I was a lever he had to pull. However, unlike Kelly, I didn’t run off to Hawaii, go from being Clark Kent to Superman, or cause a stir on a flight from California to New York because I overdid it on edibles. 

Many scenes in my work, though, are callbacks to stuff that actually happened growing up. The most recent being my father refusing to let us eat at the South of the Border attraction on the border between North and South Carolina on I-95. His rationale was that the prices were too high—and if you read Slippery People you will see that play out for a certain overly chinned character in the book.

Can you offer a little personal writing history? Have you always had the urge to write, to tell stories? 

I’ve always been a storyteller, and prankster, as my father will tell you. While I never dreamed about writing a book, I could come up with a story on the spot at the dinner table and have everyone believe it. 

My writing really took off with the advent of social media. My job requires me to travel a lot and, to pass the time, I started two blogs—Confessions of a Focus Group Moderator and The Trains of our Lives. Both were creative outlets for the observations I’d make on the road. They became popular with my friends and followers, many of whom encouraged me to try writing a book. My first book, Return to Casa Grande was published in 2014 and I got bit by the bug. I wrote one a year for four years after that.

Your characters are generally big-time music buffs. What’s on your playlist these days? 

Music is a big part of my life and my playlists are really all over the map. You’ll see a lot of U2, Jimmy Buffett, Kenny Chesney, Brad Paisley, OMD, Pink Floyd and hair bands. Lots of hair bands. 80s metal is my guilty pleasure and I make no apologies for my love of Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Poison, Dokken, Iron Maiden (though I don’t consider them hair metal), Queensryche...I could go on but you get the point.

What’s your favorite funny novel? Me, I put Confederacy of Dunces and The Dog of the South (RIP Charles Portis) right at the top. That feels kind of wrong, though, because Vonnegut has probably given me more laughs than anyone.

I was introduced to Carl Hiaasen through a Jimmy Buffett Song called “The Ballad of Skip Wiley.” His book, Tourist Season, is one of my all-time favorite comedic novels. I’d also put Herman Wouk’s Don’t Stop the Carnival up there on my list of funny novels, And, of course, Jimmy Buffett’s Where is Joe Merchant?

My gut says Jimmy Doubts (Farrah Graham series) might be your favorite character of them all. Am I on the money? Or is selecting a favorite character like picking a favorite child—you prefer whichever one has spent the least amount of time in jail/ detention/ timeout. 

Jimmy Doubts is actually based on my Twin Brother, Jim. In college, he earned the nickname “Jimmy Doubts” because he, and I love my brother dearly, can be quite pessimistic. But I have to say, Keith Niblick from Slippery People is also up there on my list because he’s so colorful and winds up in the wrong place at the wrong time—all the time.

Creating Characters Who Live Off the Page

Two things.

First: Close your eyes. (You can trust me. Nothing weird going on here.)

Second: Imagine what your favorite fictional character is doing right now.

A strange question perhaps, but it’s probably a breeze to picture her out there dealing with the world. That’s because the best characters live off the page. They are written with such zest that they get up, throw on some clothes, and live their lives beyond the confines set by their creator.

At the Mule, we occasionally meet characters as one-dimensional as a former furniture-store warehouse coworker of mine who only talked about the time he ordered a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger that came with no cheese or bacon—“Now you tell me how that’s a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger?” he’d demand.

The fact is, a junior bacon cheeseburger minus cheese and bacon loses all dimensionality. It’s merely a junior.

To help my writers fill their characters with life—the bacon and the cheese and the zest and the zip and the zam that gives them the fullness to traipse around in readers’ minds—I ask that they snag their fictional creations by the scruff and plop them down in some bland, everyday setting and see what happens. Have your alcoholic detective stop by the dry cleaner and navigate an interaction with the overly chatty attendant. Have your disaffected, high-powered executive who’s about to check out from corporate life and travel the globe call her credit card company after she spots a fraudulent charge—maybe a waiter added a few dollars to a tip.

When we envision our characters dealing with the day-to-day, they start to feel like real people.

Extract that paper-thin character from the screenplay or the novel or the short story you’re working on and shift them over to your notebook—your nobody-will-ever-see-this-s$!t-but-me Word doc—and have them do something utterly inconsequential. Of course, your characters will comply because at this point they haven’t achieved autonomy.

And once your mind-children are in that grocery-store line or rest stop bathroom, take it slow. Let it linger. Enhance the bland. Turn that journal session into a long car ride where you can’t help but learn everything about your fellow passenger. Have real get-to-know-yous, because the truth is, to truly know anyone, including someone you’ve invented, you have to know the boring stuff. You have to know how they’re going to react when they’ve been at the restaurant for an hour and their food still isn’t out.

This is an especially useful tool for writers struggling with how their characters react in critical moments. Perhaps their protagonist is about to fall in love, find a lump, get mauled by a rabid dog, but the scene just sits there like a saltine cracker, and a stale one.

This is the perfect time to sit with the character before the moment of consequence. Have breakfast with him—how does he like his eggs; is he torn because he wants pancakes but at the same time, he’s feeling a little doughy and is trying to keep an eye on those carbs? Imagine what your characters are dealing with. Think about what you’re dealing with. You’re real. Make them real, too.

Let your characters experience the mundane, the quotidian tasks that consume so much of our lives. Let them have an upset stomach, a zit on the jawline they can’t stop fiddling with, a hey-how-are-you run-in with a former classmate they barely remember. Give them flesh by letting them experience the insipid. And then send them off into the action.

With meat on their bones, your characters are going to be a lot more interesting when they enter the fray. Perhaps they’ll dictate their behavior during the bank robbery, when they get fired, when the wife asks for divorce. Maybe your characters will become so real it will ultimately become a breeze for your readers to imagine what it would be like to join them for lunch.

Mule Q&A with Author Elizabeth Mayfield

We have reanimated the Mule blog and are kicking things off by kicking it old school, resharing an interview we conducted with author Elizabeth Mayfield shortly before her brilliant debut novel, The Love Life: A Novel in Two Parts, hit cyber-shelves.

The Mule gave its entirety to The Love Life. We were there from conceptualization through multiple rounds of edits to proofing to page layout and cover design. We provided the Full Mule in the truest sense.

But let us be clear—Elizabeth Mayfield would have done it without us. We’re just thrilled she didn’t.

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Last spring, you contacted The Mule for help shaping a book of short stories into a thematically cohesive collection. Here we are, a year-plus later, and those short stories transmogrified (I can use big words if I want to; this is my website) into your first novel. How'd we get here? And what's your state upon arrival? It's been a grind, but look what you've done—you've written a great, empowering novel. Thank you, Joseph! Well, we got here very slowly didn't we? My fault. I've written academic papers, short stories and screenplays but I remember how I felt when you and Jaime suggested (very sweetly and in a sort of just "oh by the way" way) that I link three stories together and make a novel. I was hungover as hell and wasn't sure I heard you correctly. Then I figured you guys thought "poor woman can't write to save her life" and were trying to scare me off without hurting my feelings... but that's because writers are crazy. We know this.

This is your first book. So many writers set out to write a book but get stopped along the way, often by something internal that insists they are insipid dummies who have no business writing a book. How'd you push through, and what advice do you have for waylaid first-timers? As much as I hate a cliche', they're all true. A real writer will have no peace until the work is finished. You will suffer and there will be days that you feel deeply insane. That's a given. Even the best writers have piles of really bad stuff hidden away somewhere. One of William Styron's college professors told him he had no talent, but if he'd stopped, we wouldn't have "Sophie's Choice." Know exactly what story you're telling and flow in that vein. I already knew I wasn't writing the great American novel and if I kept telling myself that I'd never be as good as Styron, I would have driven myself totally around the bend (instead of just to the edge of the bend.) It's good to have standards but you can talk yourself out of anything if you blame your standards. Don't stop. Get help. Hit the "send" button. Private joke.

In your novel, we meet a stalled woman hovering around 40 who rekindles her zest, professionally and romantically. I anticipate readers finding a great deal of inspiration in the book. I know you are hoping to uplift women, especially those in their 30s and 40s who may be scuffling through fallow stretches, who may feel like the opportunity for wonderful new adventure is well in the rear view. (I should note I happen to be a man, and the story inspires me.) What kind of impact are you hoping to achieve with the book? I'm glad the story inspired you, but you're just cool like that. I'd like to stretch that age bracket out a bit though. I hear fifty is the new thirty so sixty must be pretty cool too, if a woman insists upon it. In terms of impact, I want women to have something in their hands that says it's okay to stumble...a lot! It's okay to not have children, to be dissatisfied professionally and then fix it if you can, to understand and please yourself sexually if that's a problem for you, etc. Sex is important! I hate the word "slut" and I'm looking into having it formally and permanently removed from the English language. I want women to read the main character's most selfish and immature thoughts and actions and think "hell yes, I've felt like that too." Romance novels have their place but I'm not twenty three and I'm not dating a dashing young man with a private jet, so I don't want to read about any of that stuff. Never did.   

This is a novel told in two parts, and that second part is in the works. How do you anticipate the creation process differing this time around? Less hair pulling. Less pacing the floor. The work matters very much to me, but good God, there's a big world out there and I'm just not that important. I'm going to have more fun this time around. 

You mentioned you needed to force yourself to hit "send." Can you tell us a little more about that? Are you an endless tinkerer? Was fear holding you back? I know the fear of exposing oneself (excellent phrasing) on the page prevents a lot of writers from ever sharing a word they care about. It's admittedly something I've dealt with in the past and will surely confront in the future. But anyhow, why the trepidation? All of that. No one wants to be thought of as stupid and writers are no different, except that deep down, they know they're not stupid. It's more that they don't want to write something hideous and then have people point and laugh at them.  Also, the words really matter to us, don't they? More than anything. In some ways, I am an endless tinkerer, editing as I go and it probably hurt me more than it helped. I also let some huge mistakes slip by, repetitions of phrases, etc., so I'm glad I finally found the courage to reach out to The Mules and actually listen to them!